by Holly Hashimi
After making the five-hour trip from Edmonton to Fort McMurray, Mireille Zatcha had to stop in the outlying neighbourhood of Gregoire, unable to continue into the city.
This was the latest step in her attempts to return to the home she had worked and lived with her husband and three kids.
Prior to that, she would be unable to leave the Edmonton city limits, knowing Fort McMurray was her final destination.
And what was it stopping the Ecole St. Paul teacher from coming back?
"I couldn't bring myself back physically," she recalls. "Because everywhere I went, I was with my three kids – how could I come back with only two?"
Zatcha had lost her 12-year-old daughter Mandla in a single-vehicle roll over while the family was returning from a road trip vacation in the United States. Previously they had travelled hundreds of kilometres together exploring North America.
On August 10, 2019 they were driving through Montana, heading back home toward Fort McMurray after a vacation filled with beautiful memories and moments for the family of five.
It was a celebration of Zatcha's 40th birthday, and they had gone to California to visit museums and do some shopping before travelling through Salt Lake City to experience its natural beauty. One of her favourite parts was watching Mandla having fun and enjoying herself with her siblings and dad.
Just three hours from Calgary disaster struck.
"We had a crazy accident," recalls Zatcha of the accident that took her daughter's life. "We thought we were going back home, and our lives just changed right there ... I don't understand how we got out and more so, I don't understand why I get to continue without my beloved child."
Mandla was so well-rounded her mother felt there was nothing more she could do as a parent to improve on who her daughter was. Describing the tween as "beautiful inside and out" Zatcha said her child was responsible, caring, loving and knew what she wanted.
"When she left, I noticed how impactful she was on other people's lives – I didn't know, I was just her mom," she says. "The feedback I got from people, they would come and tell me 'Your daughter taught me this,' and 'Your daughter did this with me.'"
Mandla's former robotics monitor was so moved she got a tattoo symbolizing her time with the girl who loved all things science.
After losing Mandla, Zatcha could not bear the thought of returning to her home and teaching job in Fort McMurray. Not only did they share a home, but their classrooms were across the hall from each other and their church was a safe place Mandla loved attending. Everything in the community was a painful memory for the mother.
Already struggling with the loss of her father in February of the same year, she wondered if she would be able to go on. Without therapy, she would not have been able to return to Fort McMurray, much less find the fight within herself to keep going.
However, getting over what she considers a mistrust between those from her community and getting help for things like grief, issues with children or domestic violence in Canada is still a hurdle.
"If you gather women from my community and you say, 'Oh do you want to get access to mental health services?' they think they will have their kids taken away," explains Zatcha, who was born in Cameroon. "How can you get help without putting the whole family structure in a dire situation?"
Fears of having cultural parenting practices misunderstood by service providers in North America - without an understanding of the intricacies of their own relationships and background - are paramount for those in the BIPOC community, according to Zatcha. She noted that some would rather suffer and die rather than risk losing their children.
"Prior to losing Mandla ... (I felt) I lived a private life, only sharing the necessary and most evidently, the good part. Being immigrants, successful immigrants as I feel it was my case, we only wanted to display the positives and when the tragedy struck, I/we were expected to deal with it privately without accessing other available resources. life is private, I don't share. We will deal with my situation in my community the way we were doing things."
As she struggled herself in accepting mental health care while she experienced the aftermath of losing Mandla, Zatcha feels she may not have survived if she didn't.
But seeing how her own children were responding to the death of their sister spurred her to get help for herself and them.
"I was seeing with my own eyes how the grief was impacting each one of us (my child) and I would have lost another child her because of the grief," she says, adding the kids had been as bonded as twins. "Maybe that's also what saved me because I had to fight for her."
It's been five years since the life she knew disappeared in an instant, and she
understands she may never be done with therapy – but is grateful for the positive effects she is seeing in herself and her children due to having a professional to speak with.
"You can tell that therapy has worked – but I'm not done with (it). I still have triggers. I still reminisce. I still mourn my child."
To keep Mandla's memory alive, Zatcha created the Mandla's Foundation in 2020, which led to the Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo proclaiming March 22 as Mandla's Day.
The Mandla's Foundation alleviates suffering and supports vulnerable groups locally and globally, including children, youth, homeless individuals, and low-income families. It engages youth in community service and social activism, inspired by the motto: "It's a great day to be a great person." The Foundation also provides disaster relief and donates to other charities.
Today Zatcha would like to use the foundation to put a spotlight on creating a safe space for people of any background to seek mental health care and support services in the community. She plans to work with local organizations to bridge a gap between different communities and those providing services and care.
Zatcha is available to speak with anyone who is struggling with grief and loss and looking for a caring understanding person to be there. She can be reached through the Mandla's Foundation's phone at 780.531.8707 or by email at connect@mandla-foundation.org. Learn more about Mandla Foundation at https://mandla-foundation.org/.
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